Saturday, July 15, 2006!
HandWritten on; 6:46 PM
Yup. True enuf, It has been a long tym since i last blogged. Well.. Many Things happen both joyful n upsetting.
I dunno if its the current me bothering other pple. But it bothers me alot. for 1 example. I dun feel the sense of emergency of studying. Sigh. Come to tink of it. I m more messy and less organize. With tt i loose my temper easily espically to someone. He din do anything wrong but even minor things i hear/read juz annoys me. Slaps my own. This weekend, I must pack and file my stuff and get started focusing on A-maths and blah blah.. I wan back the paranoid me, paranoid with studies. and going tt extra to make sure i noe tt topic. Argh. I juz feel lyk i blew it.
Hk, I laughed and worried. Was enjoying myself, Able to enjoy a stress free week. Makes me smile. I shoped! played! and laugh.. But i missed him the most..
Japan, So much for private and confidential, Worriesss.. The jealousy among ust students is building. I see myself getting hated more as each dae comes, Sometyms I dunno if my life is worth for pple to back stab and stab. And i remain shut up. I m afraid tt wad i fought for todae and my reward won't be mine. but me giving it up because i sympatise pple. Afraid. I juz dun 1 to blow my chance up.
I dunno how did all this went about. The sec 4s are stepping down the end of this month. All new comers are in on Mondae. Everyone is getting serious bout it and proving ms lim wrong. While me, I still tink of having fun and not being serious. Wads with me!! I dun wan to loose the person in me. The best part of all is tt i m in-charge with 2 other prefects 1 of them tt i dun realli lyk but gotta work along with. With all these. I m prepared for the worst. To loose my frenz. To be insulted as a bitach or a slut. Maybe both
I wonder to myself, How can i cope with all of this?!! I dun even have space for myself!
Can someone or anyone tell me tt i have started moving on. not flying or soaring in my own sky.I dunno how this universe works. But beliving in myself and in him is the best i can get out so far.
Sch is driving me crazy, Sometyms is at the peak of breaking down. I dunno how mani things i got myself into this shit. But i cannot cope. I too tired to do anything right now.
My tym can nv be enuf. Is too short. Too short tt my temper follows it. I feel tt i m drifting away frm my boyfren. Not knowing stuff. Wad a know. Is wad the red devil told me. Sometyms i feel lyk i m hopeless in this. I dunno how to fix this thingy. I dun dare to assure myself tt i m being loved so much. I cannot even assure myself now tt i noe my guy and tt my guy loves me. I m scared. Scared of my life.
Its funny when u see ureself looking frm outside
when did i let myself believe tt miricles can happen
Now i dun really care.
I tot u were my fairytale
And dreams were nv slping
I wish upon the star coming through
When u smile it made me feel that i can see the world
And once upon a song
Now i can tell i confuse myself with feelings and the truth
