Friday, September 22, 2006!
HandWritten on; 8:41 PM
yeahh.. I was typing bout my horrid dae yesterdae, But damn the internet connection was down. Din save what i typed.. Those words that i wrote were juz to nagative so screw the whole bullshit crap. I decide those words will juz stay within me. The blank me when i m juz upset.. But what excatly i want frm my life, I seriously dunno.. I dunno if i shld things within myself? Or to tell the person off dat she is not forever correct.. It sucks being the middle person for everything.. Cuz i get blame for every single thing it happens. Nth fills in between the blanks beside my name being all over it.. I dunno how i shld give up.. I have been fighting.. Fighting for what i dunno.. I wan to lean on someone or sumthing to spill everything.. spill till i no nid to worry how direct for all i care.. But no matter how much i wan to, Even if i found a Nobody.. I can't bring myself to tell him i nid a shoulder to lean on badly. Becuz he is hearbroken yet troubled.. I wan to cheer the whole world up, but i can't i feel inferior to my own world.. I dunno what to do besides asking myself more qns.. Besides doubting my own ability.. without tearing.. without fearing to face what i nid to..
aim, no matter how much uwant to throw ur body away, i will be the one to pick ur body up.. Support it the best dat i can do even if it makes me feel lousy, i will do it all to bring ur body b ack and if u want to bang urself hard on the wall i will put myself inbetween u and the wall and bang my head twice the tyms u wan to bang, becuz it hurts me to see u feeling thisway and even if i cannot help u heal ur broken heart i will take the physical punishments u wan to let on urself or let urself rot away, I will rot with you and no matter how pain u feel, I feel twice as much..
i wan to spent my life with u.. spent every single minute with u without feeling stress.. without fearing of my own behavior and being scared of my surroundings.. I dun wan to put any expectations on u. becuz i noe ure trying ur best to do everything for me.. No matter how angry or upset i feel, i will still cheer u up no matter what. heal that heart of ures.. And allowing ure facial expressions do the lying.. I dun wan u to tire urself no more.. becuz the more u do things to harm urself, tire urself.. I can juz silently agree yet feeling my heart tearing slowly lyk a slow motion clip on how paper is teared.. I know i have to brave thru this problems without running away.. sometyms im' standing here but all i want is to be over there.. why did i let myselft believe miricles cld happen.. cuz now i have to pretend i dun really care.. I confuse my feelings with the truth...
