Friday, March 02, 2007!
HandWritten on; 8:36 PM
Hah! Since its a long time since i blogged. My deardear just blogged just now. since a month i have blogged.
I feel so reckless and tired now. I dunno why.. But i feel scared and pressured. Living in such a enviroment, feeling the tension. Worrying every minor detail.
Smiling, sometimes not even from my heart. But just to please the people around me, so i could stop people from questioning my every single move. I dun like the kponess and gossips and rumors. It just stresses me out. And it was not my decision to become what i am today. I dun wan to be stress and yet so paranoid over everything. My feelings feel so jumbled up.
I blamed myself that everything has happen, my studies, my prefects, my own health, my mood and temper. Every time when i think about them. I just feel like locking myself up. To run away from the reality world.
I just feel appreciated that I got a boyfriend.. A boyfriend understanding enough to tolerate my rubbish. Especially my mood swings. Thinking about mood swings just make me feel irritated, sometimes if deardear actually wonder why i m always like that and its torturous. I won't blame him. Sigh. I m to blamed for everything that happen. Including being paranoid that i will loose him. I dunno i feel lost without a support. Thou there has been alot. But i guess me being paranoid. Is far from being controlled. I m tired. I want to stop tearing. I dunno why i have so much toxic gland to secrete.
Am i cunning? I wanna escape from reality. I dun wan to stress places anymore.
I know, No one would wanna read a emo blog. A blog filled with distress and sadness. But where can i express my feelings at.
I wanna be in your arms, snuggled up. Sleeping, dreaming for a long time.
Be with you. Be able to feel the warmth in you.
Thats all i want.
