Wednesday, October 31, 2007!
HandWritten on; 9:20 PM
Look at me..You may think you see.Who I really am,But you’ll never know me.Every day, is as if I play apart. Now I see,if I wear a mask.I can fool the world, but I can not fool my heart. Who is that girl I see..Staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show Who I am inside?
I guess i can't deceive myself that i felt that I did well or more appropriately did my best, for my O levels. That I did tried my best. I kept sighing over my papers quietly, mentally. I know i can't keep torturing myself in this emotion. This clueless feeling, feels wierd, feels wrong. I know i can't keep pretending to be someone I am not.
You know i felt i have given up my grades. I felt that i did not show the examiners the best out of me. My careless mistakes that some of us can understand can apprehend.
I feel so helpless now. I have thought about this for about a yr. This decision, this choice. Now yet when the opporunity is near. I failed. I failed to make a choice. I can't decide to take the poly route or the JC route. I can't decide if i want to pursue my dreams. A dream that i dare to dream, beyond my reach but my goal. No One believes in me. Believes that i can handle the stress that i will face. No One is encouraging me, not even my kins. They say it for the sake of saying but it all boils down to my choice issn't it. If i dare to do what i have always wanted to do. Will I regret? I don't want to walk to the path of no return. The more people i turn to the more confuse i get.
I don't know why i am going over this again. This emotion. The serious yet upset yet helpless feeling. I have so many pillars to lie on. My family and my boyfriend. They are always there for me. But why do i make things so difficult for myself. Why do i have to go so paranoid over things. Why when the opportunity is right infront of my face, i chose to run away. Run away from what i wanted.
I think. I was thinking. I thought. I have thougt about it yet i can't make a decision.
I haven figured who i am inside. Have I ?
